I am writing this post right on the train from Yogyakarta to Jakarta. I feel overwhelmed to leave Yogyakarta after some accidents happened to me.
When I arrived there, I already got flu and a bit of fever. Therefor the night before I went cycling to Borobudur Temple, I was sweaty a lot (I believed this was fever). The burden from exhaustion made my body collapsed. But at least my cousin and I reached Borobudur Temple by cycling and as we expected, we couldn't continue for the way back home. We called our other cousin (who is I didn't know earlier that he is our long distance cousin, he lived near my grandpa (from my dad's side)'s house).
That was on Saturday and there was Easter mass with my other cousin and her family to attend until Sat midnight. Actually, I already felt my body was crushed but I still managed it. I managed it even until 2AM the next morning, because I was having a call with long distance friend (I met him through bumble. I wish it grows in the future, i like him).
Next day, I was helping my cousin and her husband to babysit my nephew. While babysitting him, I was waiting for that bumble boy to reply my message, but got nothing. He answered me on the next day while I was with my ex-coworker.
Okay, this time my mood was really bad, because I started my Monday morning by having 2 hours consultation with my psychologist. The result from that session was disappointed me. I thought I could feel any different reaction or emotion by meeting directly, instead feel the same emotion and experience as helded it through online. I acknowledge at that day, that I was on autopilot. I threw money easily without takes moment to think, like I ordered Gocar impulsively then spent about a hundred rupiah just for a round trip (but it was raining, so I was not too disappointed also). After that, around 3PM, I had an appointment with the ex-coworker. But this is the peak of my exhaustion, we got an accident on the way to Parangtritis beach! What a day! I said to him, that I don't want to continue our trip, instead we hunt some takjil surround Prawirotaman. My unlucky doesn't stop there. While we were eating, I already felt that my body will be down soon. I coughed many times and was getting worse, but that ex-coworker didn't aware my bad condition and initiate to bring me back home early. And this was also my bad, I still accompanied him until 21 PM. Woah, arrived at home what can I do was take a shower, then went straight to the bed. I even sent the bumble boy that I don't want to talk with him in that time (I asked him to have a moment to talk).
On Tuesday, I cancelled my plan to left for Solo. I message the ex-coworker and my cousin in Solo, that I got a fever and my body can bear with the condition. But then I felt lonely, so I called my best friend, Vanya, who lived in BSD. She was in the middle of working on people's order by making mannequins. We talked and discussed about many things, but mostly our love live update. She was on progress on moving on with her ex and expecting a new guy which is her childhood friend and he lived near her. I talked about my bumble boy who was late replying my message and asked her about should I make a move to chat the German-half Indonesian who is I met recently. Overall, I didn't go out from my Bude's house. I was afraid that those day might be my unlucky days and will get worse.
At the end of the day of my trip, I summed up, that this trip was the worse I ever had. From the bad health condition, got dumped by the bumbble boy, got nothing from psychoterapie session, until this feeling that I am not belong in anywhere.
This post aims my blisters that still remains on my body and have yet heal.
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