I'm not belong here, i'm such a burden

Actually I wrote this on twitter. But I thought it would be better if I insert also the self-blame on this blog.

Tuhan, rasanya ingin ikut rekoleksi yg benar-benar bikin diri ini sadar akan perasaan sendiri. Aku masih autopilot
— lutgardis (@lutgardiscae) April 5, 2024

i would be an apathetic and unempathetic person if there's no the existence of these people in my life who's influenced me to give compassion to others. I'm really grateful to be born in this big family. I learnt kindness from them, not from my parents
— lutgardis (@lutgardiscae) April 7, 2024

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Applying Indonesian Passport

- my obsession over going abroad and making a plan to go to singapore, visit my sister and her children - felt anxious and applied passport immigration impulsively despite my shabby financial management - my experience about going to immigration office in east jakarta. ---- Nowadays, I realized that I am always looking for people who is working or studying abroad or specifically living in Germany. Like two weeks ago I sent a direct message to a guy who is half Indonesian-German and living in Germany as a journalist. I also sent a message to an Indonesian guy in Quora who is studying and working in Berlin. He is studying media communication, as the subject that I'm interested in studying. And the latest, I asked a phone number of my best friend's friend who had a master degree in Germany. LOL But then the bad part of mine, after I sent them a message and then they replied, I hesitate to reply. It because of my anxiousness of not being capable to give them good questions or going...

Bila aku tetap bermimpi:

Jadi, bisakah aku ke Jerman?

What the blisters

I am writing this post right on the train from Yogyakarta to Jakarta. I feel overwhelmed to leave Yogyakarta after some accidents happened to me. When I arrived there, I already got flu and a bit of fever. Therefor the night before I went cycling to Borobudur Temple, I was sweaty a lot (I believed this was fever). The burden from exhaustion made my body collapsed. But at least my cousin and I reached Borobudur Temple by cycling and as we expected, we couldn't continue for the way back home. We called our other cousin (who is I didn't know earlier that he is our long distance cousin, he lived near my grandpa (from my dad's side)'s house). That was on Saturday and there was Easter mass with my other cousin and her family to attend until Sat midnight. Actually, I already felt my body was crushed but I still managed it. I managed it even until 2AM the next morning, because I was having a call with long distance friend (I met him through bumble. I wish it grows in the fut...

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