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I'm daring myself to write this as a self-awareness of my attachment issues. It might contains embarrassing stories, but I feel like I have to reconnect my relationship with myself and others and to discover what kind of problems i have been through since i was born. For this past years, I acknowledge that I met several guys in person or through online. What I need to highlight is I attached with them so quickly . Fortunately, I have a friend who I can talk with about this. She is my coworker and 3 years older than me. We are actually in searching someone to love with, thus made us a bit in common. Let begin with in December 2022, I DM-ed this person, my childhood crush who already studied and work in Germany. I told him that I enrolled a german class in Goethe-Institut. He cheered me up back then, and our convo went to a meet up on December 17, 2022. He said on Whatsapp that at that day, all day was for me. Omg, I still remember how my inner childhood hyped up all night long after

I almost arrived at Senen station when I received the message. I was shock reading a message from my bestfriend, Regina, suddenly. She asked my pray for her dad, because she informed from her home that his father gone for forever after fell at bathroom. I was griefing and made a sudden decision to not go to Goethe for a class, instead heading directly to Regina's house. I tried to call her, but she refused. She doesn't bear to handle the panic and sadness. She said she can't handle the situation if she was crying at that time. I replied her that hope I can give her virtual hugs at the moment and said I love you to her. She is my best friend, even we didn't close enough back then at high school. But we become closer after we got into same university. She listened to me when I shared stories about my family problems, especially about my dad. She did also. We shared why does it difficult to exist as a daughter from a narssistic dad. We shared that we hate our dad, but stil

  I am writing this post right on the train from Yogyakarta to Jakarta. I feel overwhelmed to leave Yogyakarta after some accidents happened to me.  When I arrived there, I already got flu and a bit of fever. Therefor the night before I went cycling to Borobudur Temple, I was sweaty a lot (I believed this was fever). The burden from exhaustion made my body collapsed. But at least my cousin and I reached Borobudur Temple by cycling and as we expected, we couldn't continue for the way back home. We called our other cousin (who is I didn't know earlier that he is our long distance cousin, he lived near my grandpa (from my dad's side)'s house). That was on Saturday and there was Easter mass with my other cousin and her family to attend until Sat midnight. Actually, I already felt my body was crushed but I still managed it. I managed it even until 2AM the next morning, because I was having a call with long distance friend (I met him through bumble. I wish it grows in the fut

you did brave enough and it was best.

- my obsession over going abroad and making a plan to go to singapore, visit my sister and her children - felt anxious and applied passport immigration impulsively despite my shabby financial management - my experience about going to immigration office in east jakarta. ---- Nowadays, I realized that I am always looking for people who is working or studying abroad or specifically living in Germany. Like two weeks ago I sent a direct message to a guy who is half Indonesian-German and living in Germany as a journalist. I also sent a message to an Indonesian guy in Quora who is studying and working in Berlin. He is studying media communication, as the subject that I'm interested in studying. And the latest, I asked a phone number of my best friend's friend who had a master degree in Germany. LOL But then the bad part of mine, after I sent them a message and then they replied, I hesitate to reply. It because of my anxiousness of not being capable to give them good questions or going

2017 adalah tahun di mana puncak saya merasa berhasil, dengan pencapaian dan pengalaman yang saya dapatkan.  2018 saya terjatuh hingga saat ini.  Saat ini saya sedang mencoba bangkit lagi dengan belajar dari kesalahan dan kebodohan yang sedang dijalani.