Just blowed up in my mind

I don't believe in marriage, even in love. I won't my life depends on someone’s. I truly hate that.

I learnt from my parents' mistakes. I saw that devastating situation which blowed up my mind right now. 

While I am in working, some guys came into my house. They looked like goons or messengers from my father's colleague. They demand my father from what he did in the way building his own company. I was eavesdropping their conversation. The point is my father have to pay notary's fee for canceling the create of company. I would explain that my father wasn't in the job. He is unemployment. He insists to create a company with aiming a notary would help him by promising after he managed his business deal. But my father's business hasn't been yet make a deal then the notary was impatient. She ordered those guys to demand my father would pay her fee. My father's debt was not only that. He has credit that must be paid off. 

I would explain about my mom's situation. My mother has been being an high school teacher since her first job. Her job doesn't make enough money. As you know, "Pahlawan tanpa tanda jasa" means the hero who her/his services can't be seen. Being a teacher in Indonesia is not appreciated by the government, not like Swedish government who pays high and takes gratitude on them. Why did I tell the story out of topic?

So, the point is my father is an unemployment and has debt, then my mother is a low paid teacher. Every my father's debts has been paid by my mother... and me. 

Every time my father's phone is ringing, my heart is pondering really fast. It got me a feeling of nausea. 

Then I am afraid to do anything I used to do, like cooking or baking. I am anxious that something will come to us, then we are not read yet to face it. 

I am being too pessimistic as an humankind.

I will update soon.