03. januari 2025 di kantor rasanya butek banget. mungkin karena lantai ruanganku lagi direnovasi dan harus mengungsi ke temoat lain, dapatnya ruangan yang ga nyaman. lalu saat hendak mencari makan ke luar, tetiba dibenak hati aku, aku bilang kalau 'aku mau hidup'. sudah berubahkah aku? sejak kapan aku mulai merasakan perasaan ini, 'ingin hidup'? sungguh, 2024 itu menjadi tahun permulaanku. dari bertemu orang yang selama 2023 berkomunikasi di instagram menjadi bertemu di maret 2024. lalu diriku yang sepenuhnya takut untuk berbicara langsung dengan bule, sekarang tiap minggu jadi hangout terus sama kevin ini yang bikin hidup aku punya prinsip baru! anyway, 2024 telah menjadi langkah awal bangkit setelah sekian lama aku merasa insecure. please 2025 lebih baik lagi 🙏✨️
been stucking on someone i barely met. he is a german who works in an investment company that has a coorperation with bappenas, our national organisation. he works in jakarta only a year. we just met 3 times, but i already attached with him on the third meeting. since the third meeting until today it's been more than a month we haven't met. the fool part is, i've been thinking of him a lot. sick. i'm sick of his unavailable emotional. i've been questioned, is it how german behave to the casual relationship? even don't give a damn about emotional thing? or am i the one who can't do casual thing because i still needed emotional intimacy? i can't deny that i am really into him while he isn't into me. i hope this feeling can disappear gradually over time (at least before end of 2024). caeli, i wanna hugging you now when he won't. a photo when i was heading to his place. it was the second date.